Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
