So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
