sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
