I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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