He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
