Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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