Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
