i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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