...so i touched it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
