I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
