It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
