There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
