Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
