im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize