tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
please don't ironically join a cult
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