If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
