so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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