You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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