Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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