he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
