omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
