i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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