do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize