If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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