apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
