btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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