My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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