She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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