it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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