On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was born a porn star she said
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
