I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
