can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
