I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
