A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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