ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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