After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
