my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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