how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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