Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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