we made out on top of his cat.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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