I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
