dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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