Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're using joints as your birthday candles
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
