thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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