Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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