I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
