i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
