Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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