Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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