Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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