I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
