Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found puke in my bra..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
