I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
