I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
