wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
3 2 1 whiskey
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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