hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
