then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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