So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
