you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
