so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
