i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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