You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
