We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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