i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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