dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize