I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
