i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
