youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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