My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize