The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
