his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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