when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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