it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
