i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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