Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
