is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Come see our sink grown plant.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
