There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize