I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I am morally bankrupt
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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