I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
