You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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