i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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