it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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