She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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