he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
