My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
