apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
