You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
