i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
