Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
