how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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