Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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