There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
