Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
