hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
