She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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