I puked a lego.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
