Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How's work?
Spinning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
