how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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