Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize