shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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