It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
