im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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