Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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