barbara walters just said penis...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
