Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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