Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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