Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
