apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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